Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
