just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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