i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
