She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
