so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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