rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You left your phone here
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