So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
