Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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