Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
