I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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