I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
