I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
