Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
