Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
