Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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