i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
