Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
