why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
