i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
