There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
