dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
