Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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