guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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