I have demons in me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
