Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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