I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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