you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
