3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
