Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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