apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
