I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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