I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
