i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
