I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
