I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
