I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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