Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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