If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
