highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
