I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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