what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
