Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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