I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
where am i from again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
