Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
