Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
