thus making me awesome and them whores
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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