I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
