God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
jump out the window naked night went bad
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