Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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