you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
